The Teapot Part 1

For audio click here 
If there is one thing that Andy didn’t like, it was smugness and that meant that Andy didn’t like Jamie Moses, TV presenter, radio host, and all-round good guy. Most people liked Moses, he was an affable kind of chap. The kind of bloke next door you could speak to about most things but never really get to know. Host of the Radio Wales mid-morning show and the rugby on TV, Moses’s face seemed to pop up all the time. The women fancied him and the men wanted to be him. Andy though thought he was a smug, arrogant twat. Oh, jealousy is a marvellous thing. 
Andy would admit himself that one of the reasons he didn’t like Moses was because it should have been him. He was destined for stardom himself until that unsavoury incident on the set of Emmerdale Farm that saw him kicked off the soap opera and sent home to Wales in disgrace. And who replaced him as the token Welsh guy? That’s right Jamie Moses, his first TV role, his big break. Pretty soon Moses became the big fish of Welsh media while Andy had drifted from one dead-end job to another watching Moses swanning around like some big shot just because he once hosted Football Focus. 
And now here he was, in Andy’s Café looking all slim, and tanned and sexy and ordering banoffee pie. Andy hated anyone who could eat banoffee pie. It was the devil’s food. It went straight to his hips, but Moses was spooning mouthfuls of the stuff into white toothed mouth and there wasn’t a pound of fat on him. To make matters worse, Daisy the coffee drinking waitress that Andy had fancied for months, was buzzing around the TV celeb like a fly around dung. Daisy threw her head back and laughed at one of Jamie’s jokes and then came back to the bar. 
“Oh he’s lovely, isn’t he? Did you know he used to be on Emmerdale?” she said to Andy. 
‘So did I.” Andy said. 
“Don’t be daft,” she slapped him with a tea towel, but she only had eyes for Jamie.
“What did he order?” Andy said impatiently. 
“Oh yeah, a pot of tea.”.
Andy made the tea and then took it across to the table himself. He wasn’t going to give Daisy another chance to flirt with the smug twat. 
He didn’t plan it, it wasn’t premeditated. It was a spur of the moment thing, but just as he got to Moses’s table he ‘tripped’. The tea swished in the teapot like a tsunami, the spout being its only outlet. It sprayed like a baby’s piss all over Jamie’s leg. 
“Ouch, oh, bloody hell. Are you okay?” 
Even Moses’s reaction wound Andy up, instead of a sweary temper tantrum that could have been captured on a camera phone and sent to the Echo, he merely uttered the B word and brushed himself off and checked Andy was okay. But worse was yet to come for Andy. Rushing over with a cloth in her hand came Daisy who proceeded to wipe at the TV star’s legs. 
“Oh you are very kind,” Jamie said. “How about I buy you lunch tomorrow.”
Daisy blushed and nodded and asked Andy if he wouldn’t mind doing her shift. 

Check out my new project, Topical Poems, find it here.

And why not invest in me. Buy my books :-) Details here 

Please if you enjoy these stories share them with friends, family, book agents, etc.. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram :-) Thank you.