Neither Up nor Down

Go to the top of the tower, they said. The views are wonderful they said, it's only 15 Kuna, they said. But it's what they didn't say that is perturbing me right now. They didn't tell me there were nearly 200 steps, each as steep as the White Cliffs of Dover, they didn't tell me the climb was not fit for those who are scared of heights and they didn't tell me just how exposed the stairs were.
Actually I am not scared of heights, I’m fine high up as long as I’m enclosed, people who are truly scared of heights can't look down from a tall building without getting dizzy even if they are inside, that's not me, I actively enjoy being on top of the world if there is glass between me and the fall. I even don't mind being at the top of a mountain as long as there is not a sheer drop close by, but when the height is open to the elements, I am just slightly concerned, and by slightly concerned I mean effing terrified.
So here I am like the Grand Old Duke of York's 10,000 men; only half way up and neither up nor down.
The steps run along the walls but the problem is the walls are mostly just air, meaning there is a large unprotected drop to my right. I’ve already put my rucksack on both shoulders and put my sunglasses in my pocket, the thought of something falling off me and through those gaps is making me even more nervous.
I can't look up, the spiral staircase and blue sky is making me dizzy, but can't look down, oh no I can't look down. My knuckles have gone white from clinging to the rail, lactic acid has turned my legs to jelly while sweat is dripping off my brow. I've been here for about 14 minutes, frozen to the spot, tucked into the corner where the walls are more solid and the steps wider. People smile as they skip passed me both up and down, I try to smile back while hating the mountain goats going on their carefree ways.

17 minutes now, it feels like the jelly in my legs has set into concrete, I'm like a frightened rabbit frozen to the spot. Maybe I will be here for the rest of my life, begging food and drinks from the mountain goats, growing a massive beard and being known as the scared man of the tower.
There is a way out, I know there is, but it might be even more humiliating than just staying put. My breathing is heavy now, I can feel the panic rising in my body; there really is only one thing for it.

I slowly let go of the rail, and lower myself to the floor, my heart is beating quickly, I feel sick. One step at a time, I tell myself, one step at a time. With both hands on the steps I gradually lower my body down a step, I take a deep breath and repeat the procedure, moving down the tower cheeks-by-cheeks, shuffling down the stairs on my backside trying to ignore the sniggers and snickers of the other tourists. I’m looking forward to a cool beer when I eventually reach the bottom, if I haven’t reached it already.