Tuesday 7 April 2015

Bullseye

For audio click here

I stepped off the train, trepidation in my walk. Butterflies had been growing in my stomach all afternoon and now they were flapping around looking for an escape route. Back ‘home’, the place I’d grown up, the place that had moulded me. Think of all those firsts in your life, well I’d done them all here. First beer, first smoke, first fight, first grope, first vote, first union and now another first, a school reunion. This truly was home, they say home is where the heart is,well I’d left mine here in pieces 25 years ago. Of course I’d got a replacement but it was never as good as the original, like buying the same model of car or same pair of shoes, it might look the same and work the same but it can never replace the first one.
So here I was, 25 years on, walking the streets that teemed with familiarity yet felt as strange as eggs with jam. I stared at faces looking for memories but all I found was hostility and loneliness.
I hadn’t wanted to come to the reunion but then again I hadn’t want to miss it for the world. Why did I want to meet people I’d not seen for 25 years? Surely if I'd wanted to keep in touch I would have done so. So it wasn’t about meeting old friends it was pure curiosity, see who was richer, fatter, sadder? But curiosity is a dangerous thing - just ask cats.
Everyone would be there, friends, foes, the swots, the bullies and of course she’d be there, and I guess that was the main reason I’d got myself suited and booted and had dragged myself ‘home’ for this get together.
The last time I’d seen her she was sweeping up pieces of my heart and unceremoniously dumping them in the outside bin. As Morrissey had almost said rejection is one thing but rejection for a fool is cruel. She’d left me for a cement salesman and I suppose I’d never really got over her. I had to go past her once or twice and skirt around her a few times but never got over her. In fact I’d mostly just gone in the opposite direction. But now we were on a collision course hurtling towards each other like a comet towards earth. Could disaster be averted? I took a swig of Bols from my hipflask, dutch dutch courage. I hoped the gin would make me brave enough to save the world.
A Counting Crows song was on loop in my head, it didn’t matter which one, any would do. I’d reached the venue. I couldn’t walk anymore, no more thinking, it was time to paste on the smile.

Bullseye, a quiz show where contestants could win a mystery star prize by scoring enough points at darts. When they failed, the host took them over to reveal the unwon prize, usually a speedboat or car or caravan, uttering the immortal words, let’s have a look what you could have won. Then he packed them off with a plastic toy bull, a tankard and a set of darts as consolation. As I walked back towards the station I reflected that that was how the reunion had felt. A whole load of potential prizes that would never be claimed. But did I want to claim them? I was happy with my car, I didn’t need a caravan and let’s face it what the hell would I do with a speedboat. Maria’d been there, but instead of making me wonder what might have been, she left me thanking my lucky stars. So I clutched my bendy bully, my tankard and my darts and headed home, smiling a real smile.

For more Barry inspired stories click here   
 

No comments:

Post a Comment