Shower Caps - A Steve Rant

As Johnny was coming back from the bar with two pints in his hands and a packet of crisps between his teeth, he could see his mate Steve was toying with something strange that looked like a dead jellyfish. Johnny didn’t know what it was but he hoped that Steve wasn’t bringing props along to support his rants. The hope was in vain, he was.

‘Do you ever use one of these? Steve asked holding the jellyfish up for Johnny to inspect.

‘What is it?’ Johnny could see it was a shower cap but he asked the question anyway.

‘It’s a shower cap,’ said Steve with a tone that said obviously.

‘Um no I don’t think I do, why?’  Convention told Johnny he should ask why but he knew it was like throwing a hand grenade. As soon as he said it he ducked for cover.

‘Not even when you’re on holiday?’

‘Um no, it’s not the first idea of relaxation is it?’

‘You’re the eighth person to say no to that question and I’ve not found one person who has said yes.’ Steve said, ‘Yet every where I go, every hotel room I stay in, there is always at least one shower cap in the bathroom.  But no one I know ever uses one, so why are they there? There’s usually, soap, shower gel, shampoo etc which I can understand but I was in one place last week and there wasn’t even any soap just two shower caps in a single room.’

‘Who have you asked? Men or women?’ Johnny asked

‘Um let me think,’ Steve rolled his eyes back and counted, then looked at Johnny ‘Which one are you?’ He asked with a cheeky look.

‘Fuck off.’ Johnny smiled.

‘Well if I’m counting you as a man than, 6 men and 2 women.’

‘Well there you go you see, I think you should ask more women, they are more likely to use them aren’t they?’

‘Well in that case hotels are inherently sexist, you often get shower caps and those Qtips but very rarely do you get shaving equipment.’

‘Steve what is with you and sexism, I’m not sure that having a shower cap and a few Qtips compensates for the everyday sexism you’re usually on about.’

‘Hmmm’ Steve looked disgruntled he hated to admit Johnny it but had a point. ‘Okay, but all the same the shower caps are superfluous, completely pointless, a waste of money.’ Steve tapped his finger on each point for he made.

‘They’re not doing any harm are they?’ Johnny said.

‘Not harm, no but I do like things to have a point, these are just a token of customer service that actually serves no customer as far as I can see.’

‘Steve you need to get out more.’ Johnny stood up, he’d had enough of the jellyfish, so was heading to the toilet for an escape.