Thursday 12 December 2013

How Steve got his name.




Suzy sat on the hill complaining.
‘He’s such a creep,’ she said to anyone who would listen. ‘I mean he must be at least 45 and he has the cheek to ask me out.’ The other girls tutted. ‘Why does he think I’d be interested in him?’ she asked, presumably rhetorically. Steve wanted to throw back I wonder why the hell he’s interested in you, but he kept his counsel.
It was Tuesday evening, which meant everyone from his course hit the pub for a beer or 7. But tonight, as it was the first really hot day of the year, someone had suggest taking a few beers up to the lighthouse and enjoying the sunset over the sea. 
Suzy continued character assassinating the poor man for a little while before turning her attention to movies.
‘So have you seen Entrapment? God that Sean Connery might be nearly 70 but I would.’ said Suzy without a hint of realisation of the hypocrisy she had just spouted. Steve had heard enough.
‘You’re a bloody hypocrite you are?’ He said while still chewing a piece of grass.
The group turned to look at him en masse, dreading what was coming next.
‘Me?’ said Suzy instantly on the defensive.
‘Yes, you.’ Steve took the grass from his mouth and waved it at Suzy so spittle flew towards her.
‘Listen to yourself for 5 minutes,’ he said. ‘Just now you were complaining that a 45 year old was a creep for having the cheek to find you attractive, and then you are saying that a 70 year old could do you. Don’t you see the hypocrisy in that?’
‘No, cos Connery’s fit.’
‘So fit blokes aren’t creeps, but ugly ones are?’ Steve’s heckles were rising. ‘How is Mr Ugly suppose to know he is ugly? Do you want to give him a sticker saying that he’s out of your league.’
Suzy looked like she was about to speak but Steve had only paused long enough to take a breath.
‘Christ, just say no, but don’t condemn him as a creep. For fuck sake, he only asked you out, you should be flattered not offended.’
‘Finished?’ It was Karen who spoke, the protector of all things feminine. Her voice bristled with indignation.
‘For now,’ Steve said
‘Well, in future when we want your opinion we’ll ask for it Steve Rant.’

The group laughed at the nickname Karen had come up with, it suited Steve perfectly. 

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