False Expectations - A Steve Rant

Listen Carefully and you can hear the bells. 


‘See the problem with this world is that we create this romantic idealism that it is impossible to live up to and that just leaves everyone slightly disappointed with their lot. And this song is an excellent example.’

‘What the fuck are you talking about Steve?’

‘Well listen to, it paints a world that doesn’t exist. Then people are eternally disappointed with their partners because they don’t live up to this stupid romantic ideal.’

Johnny and Steve both took a swig of their beers as they listened to the chorus of the Take That song playing on the stereo system.

‘Why can't I wake up with you
So you're there when I open my eyes’

‘What’s wrong with that, it’s harmless.’ said Johnny.

‘As I said, it creates an unrealistic expectation. Have you seen me first thing in the morning? I’m not exactly a picture, my hair’s a mess, my breath stinks and all I want to do it break wind and scratch my balls, not exactly the picture Gary Barlow is painting is it.’

‘Well he’s not singing about you is he?’

‘Oh and you think women are any better, bad breath, bad hair and panda eyes.’

‘But I think the point is that they’ve spent a lovely night together.’ Johnny didn’t really know why he was sticking up for the Take That boys.

‘They may have had sex, but then they’ve probably spent the next six hours fighting over the space or fighting over the duvet. The reason he wants her to wake up is so that they can call a truce and end the duvet wars until the next breach of ceasefire.’ Steve took a swig of ale.

‘Single duvets.’

‘What?’ Steve looked confused.

‘Single duvets, that is how to get a lasting duvet peace. If you're having difficulties with the duvet Steve, singles are the way forward.’

‘Yeah but the song doesn’t say that does it.’

‘Why can't I wake up with you having spent a comfortable night sleeping in twin beds next to each other but with out you having invaded my personal space or stolen my duvet.’

‘But I still don’t see why it sets an unrealistic expectation.’

‘It’s not just that one song, it’s all the romantic nonsense that is out there. It paints a make-believe world that people don’t realise is fantasy.’

‘Okay fair enough but the song’s over and it’s your round, so get to the bar.’

Steve reluctantly got up and headed to the bar, determined to return to his theme when he got back.

And in case you were wondering this is the song.