https://www.amazon.co.uk/Humans-Being-Gareth-Davies/dp/1788640519
For audio click here
I used to wonder why adults got drunk at Christmas, but now I think I know. We’re trying to replicate that innate magic that somehow we’ve lost along the way. My kids didn’t need alcohol. They were whacked up on chocolate and anticipation; tearing paper off presents and getting more hyper by the minute. I thought nothing could bring those kids off cloud 9, but I was wrong. Unwrapping mum’s presents certainly brought them down to earth with a bump.
Nothing says Christmas like dental hygiene.
We stared at the 4 near identical electronic toothbrushes with a sense of bewilderment while my mother looked at us waiting for our reaction.
“Thanks mum,” I said and pulled eyes at the kids.
“Yeah um, thanks gran,” they echoed, reading my hint.
“Thanks Liz, these are great,” my wife said. “I was just saying to Mark that we needed proper toothbrushes, wasn’t I love?”
I nodded not having a clue what she was talking about.
“Are you sure?” my mum said. “if you don’t like them I’ve got the receipt.”
“No, they are great,” Liz said.
“Toothbrushes,” Liz hissed at me while I was peeling the spuds. “What the F…?”
“I thought you liked them?” I said.
“It’s insulting Mark, is she saying we have bad breath?”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean that,” I said, but the thought had crossed my mind.
“So, what did she mean then?” Liz said.
“I’ll ask her later.”
Liz smiled her lovely smile at me. She certainly didn’t need a new toothbrush.
“Great idea for a present, mum,” I said reading the instructions for my new device. “I think the kids are really chuffed.” I’m not as good an actor as my wife but I was trying.
“Oh that’s good, I’m glad you like it. Do you know I bought them back in September.”
“Really?” I said, but I wasn’t surprised that my mum was ready for Christmas while I was still wearing shorts and having a barbeque.
“What made you think of it?” I asked
“Well, my neighbour Julie has one.” I rolled my eyes. My mum never shuts up about little Miss Perfect who lives next door. She’d even mentioned she make me a good wife if I ever decided to remarry, in front of Liz!
“So, she recommended them?” I said
“Not exactly but she’s got one and she uses it all the time, at least twice, sometimes three times a day and she seems very happy with it. I can hear it through the walls. Very happy indeed.”
The Original
For audio click here
I used to wonder why adults got drunk at Christmas, but now I think I know. We’re trying to replicate that innate magic that somehow we’ve lost along the way. My kids didn’t need alcohol. They were whacked up on chocolate and anticipation; tearing paper off presents and getting more hyper by the minute. I thought nothing could bring those kids off cloud 9, but I was wrong. Unwrapping mum’s presents certainly brought them down to earth with a bump.
Nothing says Christmas like dental hygiene.
We stared at the 4 near identical electronic toothbrushes with a sense of bewilderment while my mother looked at us waiting for our reaction.
“Thanks mum,” I said and pulled eyes at the kids.
“Yeah um, thanks gran,” they echoed, reading my hint.
“Thanks Liz, these are great,” my wife said. “I was just saying to Mark that we needed proper toothbrushes, wasn’t I love?”
I nodded not having a clue what she was talking about.
“Are you sure?” my mum said. “if you don’t like them I’ve got the receipt.”
“No, they are great,” Liz said.
“Toothbrushes,” Liz hissed at me while I was peeling the spuds. “What the F…?”
“I thought you liked them?” I said.
“It’s insulting Mark, is she saying we have bad breath?”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean that,” I said, but the thought had crossed my mind.
“So, what did she mean then?” Liz said.
“I’ll ask her later.”
Liz smiled her lovely smile at me. She certainly didn’t need a new toothbrush.
“Great idea for a present, mum,” I said reading the instructions for my new device. “I think the kids are really chuffed.” I’m not as good an actor as my wife but I was trying.
“Oh that’s good, I’m glad you like it. Do you know I bought them back in September.”
“Really?” I said, but I wasn’t surprised that my mum was ready for Christmas while I was still wearing shorts and having a barbeque.
“What made you think of it?” I asked
“Well, my neighbour Julie has one.” I rolled my eyes. My mum never shuts up about little Miss Perfect who lives next door. She’d even mentioned she make me a good wife if I ever decided to remarry, in front of Liz!
“So, she recommended them?” I said
“Not exactly but she’s got one and she uses it all the time, at least twice, sometimes three times a day and she seems very happy with it. I can hear it through the walls. Very happy indeed.”
The Original
‘I’ve finished my Christmas shopping.’ My mum looked so proud announcing
the news to me and my brother.
‘Mum? It’s only the 7th September!’ The tone in my brother’s
voice reflected the look on my face.
‘I know but I decided to buy you all the same thing this year. So it was easy.’
‘All of us? Even the kids?’ Luke asked.
‘Yep all of you’ she said.
My brother and I exchanged glances wondering what on earth would be
suitable for 35 year old men, their spouses and their under tens.
Luke and I chatted briefly about it on the way home but then the
conversation was forgotten about until Christmas morning.
Our house was the usual rush of excitement, the kids tearing paper off presents and getting more hyper by the minute. I wonder if that is why adults drink at Christmas? To try to replicate that innate magic that somehow we lose along the way. I thought nothing could bring those kids down from the cloud 9 they had been inhabiting since 6.30 that morning. But I was wrong. Unwrapping mum’s presents certainly brought them down to earth with a bump.
Our house was the usual rush of excitement, the kids tearing paper off presents and getting more hyper by the minute. I wonder if that is why adults drink at Christmas? To try to replicate that innate magic that somehow we lose along the way. I thought nothing could bring those kids down from the cloud 9 they had been inhabiting since 6.30 that morning. But I was wrong. Unwrapping mum’s presents certainly brought them down to earth with a bump.
Nothing says Christmas like dental hygiene. We stared at the 4 near
identical electronic toothbrushes with a sense of bewilderment. Why had she
bought us these and why had she been so proud about it?
Luckily Mum was at Luke’s place so she didn’t see the puzzled
expressions across 4 confused faces. I wondered how good my brother’s family’s
acting skills had been.
Thirty minutes later I got a text from my brother- No merry Christmas or
anything, just straight to the point. ‘Toothbrushes? Why?’
I smiled to myself and shot back an answer.
‘I was thinking the same, ask her?’
But he never did, he was too scared, so it was left for me to get to the
bottom of it a couple of weeks later.
‘Loving my toothbrush mum.’
‘Oh that’s good, I’m glad you like it.’
‘Interesting idea for a present though, what made you think of it?’ I
smiled at my own subtlety.
‘Well, my neighbour Julie has one.’ My mum lived next door to a single, 30
something high-flying go-getter, who my mother admired as she made me and my
brother look like we were meandering down a path to mediocrity.
‘She uses it all the time, at least twice, sometimes three times a day
and she seems very happy with it. I can hear it through the walls. Very happy
indeed.’
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