Tuesday 1 October 2013

Steve Rants - It's not free.




‘Jesus, what’s the matter with you, you look like you’ve just found your girlfriend in bed with…’ Johnny thought for a minute, ‘well me.’
Steve was on his way back from the bar carrying two beers and with a look on his face that would frighten the Taliban into submission.
‘S’her behind the bar, the bloody cheek.’
‘What did you say?’ Johnny knew full well that if there had been a contretemps then Steve would more than likely have been the antagonist despite his attempts to blame the barmaid.
‘Nothing, all I did was ask why there was no Wi-Fi this evening.’
‘And’
‘Well she started going on about first world problems. I live in the first fucking world, what problems does she want me to have? Then she says it’s free and that we should be grateful it’s there at all. Free my arse, who does she think she's kidding, it might say it’s free but that doesn’t mean it is does it?’
Johnny shrugged, knowing the question was rhetorical.
‘Free, ha! Yes I can just imagine the owners of this place discussing how they can give something back to their customers, reward them for their loyalty, give them a bonus. Bollocks, they put the prices up when they put Wi-Fi in here, so we might not be paying for it directly but we’re still paying for it. And even if they hadn’t, they wouldn’t be giving it away out of a sense of altruism, oh no, it’s in their own interests, free Wi-Fi means more people. If the internet in here was really free I could come in here and use it without buying a drink. Somehow I can’t see them standing for that, can you?’
Johnny was about to reply but Steve gave him no chance.
‘It’s like those bloody budget hotels, have you see the ads, ‘now with free breakfast.’ Steve did his best voice over impression. ‘It wasn’t that long ago that breakfast was included, the bastards took it away just so they can offer something as a perk that should be standard. If I’m paying 80 euro for a room with a view of a car park, don’t try to kid me the breakfast is free! I bloody paid for it when I paid for the room.’
Again Johnny was cut off before he could reply.
‘The problem is people fall for it; they believe the hype.’
‘Well maybe it’s just nice to think you are getting something for nothing sometimes. Even if deep down you know you’re not.’Johnny finally got his word in edgeways.
Steve took a sip of his pint and thought about Johnny’s words of wisdom for a second. Johnny thought for a moment he’d left his friend speechless. No, that would never happen but Johnny was shocked to find that Steve agreed with him.
‘Ok, I take your point but that doesn’t mean I should listen to corporate crap about it being free so I should be grateful, cos that is bullshit, oh and by the way it should be Free Wi-Fi zone not Wi-Fi free zone on the signs.’
Johnny smiled, shook his head and signalled that he needed the toilet hoping a comfort break would lead to a change of subject. It did. 

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