A Steve Rant: Church Bells

Steve sat down with a bump and dried off his hands on his trousers before trying and failing to stifle a yawn.

‘I’m so bloody tired,’ said Steve through the end of the yawn.

Johnny caught the yawn and through the end of it asked, ‘Not sleeping well?’

‘Oh I’m sleeping well enough just not long enough, that bloody church opposite me chimes its bells at some ungodly time every morning.’

‘Sounds like it is a very godly time to me.’ Johnny replied.

‘Ha ha, very funny, said Steve, ‘but it’s no laughing matter you know.’

Oh dear here we go thought Johnny to himself.

‘Every bloody morning, at 7am, not even a pretty tune, no variety of notes, just a monotonous chime, bong, bong, bong.’

‘Oh dear.’

‘What gives them the right to do that? If it was anything else, it would be noise pollution. Imagine if I played music that loud at that time of day, the police would be round in a jiffy.’

‘I suppose it’s the divine right of rings.’ Johnny sat back proud of his pun but history was not Steve’s forte and the humour went over his head.

‘Why do churchgoers need to be reminded? It is not like my rugby team ring a bell to remind me to go or your French evening class. It’s crazy.’

‘I suppose the benefit of living a stone’s throw away from a church is that you can throw stones at it when the bells start to toll.’ Again Johnny’s humour was lost on Steve.

‘It makes no sense, how many people go to church, yet the church is allowed to act in an anti-social way. I bet them who sit in the pews would be the first to call the police if there was drunking singing at 2 am.’

‘Talking of drunken singing, are you ready for another.’ Experience told Johnny the best way to shut his mate up was to go to buy another round.

‘Aye go on then’ said Steve and Johnny headed to the bar looking forward to a change of subject.