Pie and Pint night

This story carries an 18 certificate. :-) 

John didn’t like the animal-like atmosphere of the room, there were about 30 fellas all baying for naked flesh. Beer, food and other men seemed to bring out the worst in his gender. The testosterone hung in the air along with the illegal cigarette smoke. How had he let himself be talked into coming to a ‘pie and pint’ night? Dave his old mate from school had suggested it.

‘Private room of a pub, 30 blokes, you pay £30 up front and then you get a plate of pie and mash, a comedian does a little routine and then two strippers do a show. There is also a barrel of beer on the bar to help yourself from. It’s a great night.’ Dave had explained.

John had said no at first, he was nearly a married man, a respectable Cardiff teacher but when Karen said she was out for the night teaching an aerobics class he thought what the hell, phoned Dave back and accepted the ticket.

John had at least managed to talk Dave into sitting in a darkened corner of the room out of the view of strippers looking for willing volunteers but he was still regretting his decision to come. Pie and pint night? More like pig and pint night looking at the assembled clientele.

The comedian was okay, a bit hackneyed but quite funny. Then he announced the name of the first stripper.

‘Gentlemen put your hands together and keep them above the table for the lovely… Suzy.’

She was lovely too, only ‘stripper’ was surely the wrong term. Strippers should strip, but Suzy didn’t have any clothes on to take off. She came out as naked as the day she was born apart from the highest pair of high heels John had ever seen, how she managed to dance in them he’d never know. She was a beautiful girl, she had dark hair and dark eyes, a firm slender body with a pouty face. John thought he might know her from somewhere but where would he know a stripper? Her act really whipped up the men and the applause when she left the room was amazing. John hated to admit it but he was enjoying himself. The comedian came back and announced the arrival of the second girl.

‘Gentleman, this girl has come all the way from Cardiff to be with us tonight, she’s a real classy lady so show her some respect. Please give a warm welcome to Miranda.’

A long stocking clad leg appeared form behind the door wearing black shinny boots with a huge pointy heel; bigger even than Suzy’s. The music kicked in and the leg kicked in the air and the girl entered the stage, lazily smoking a cigarette in a long holder, smoke covering her face, a huge boa around her neck, a black bra, tiny black panties, and of course those fishnet stockings, she did indeed look very sophisticated. But as the smoke cleared John couldn’t believe his eyes, despite the blonde wig it was Karen, his Karen, this wasn’t bloody aerobics.

John was in a quandary, what to do, what to do? He could stand up and stop the show, ask her what the bloody hell she thought she was doing but there were 29 other men in the room who would probably kill him if he stopped them from seeing what he saw every day. He could walk out, but he was pinned in a corner, to get out he would need to walk right across the stage, right into the path of his now braless fiancé. All he could do was sit there to suffer in silence as his girlfriend provocatively danced her way through her routine. It was all so obvious now, of course he knew the other girl, it was Sammy, Karen’s fellow Aerobics instructor, they’d often sat in his kitchen planning their routines. Why hadn’t he found it odd that the ‘lessons’ Karen taught were so irregular and went on so late into the night? Why hadn’t he found it strange that she often came home with the feint smell of cigarette smoke in her hair?

After what felt like a lifetime she finished dancing to wild applause and grabbing hands. As she made her way off stage, the comedian announced a break and John made his way to the door. He definitely needed some fresh air.